Dear Madam Goat

Dear Madam Goat,

You were not supposed to be pregnant. You came from your old home as “open” and indeed, your slim body and empty udder did not give any indication of a baby growing inside you...until about 2 weeks ago when things began to, well, swell.

And now that we are aware of your condition, it is not helpful that you apparently are deciding that tonight is the night you would like to deposit your kid into the world. Tonight it is snowing. Tonight it is freezing. And tonight is one of the very few nights of the entire year I must be at work.

Of all the nights of all the weeks, this is the one night you just HAD to start looking labor-ish when I checked in at home so that I can spend the rest of it biting my nails and freaking out until I can get home (not in a hurry either with inches of snow forecast this evening) and check on you wherein I am 100% sure you will be complacently chewing your cud and looking at me like I am a fool.

Sincerely,

The Worried Farmer