Grocery Trials

Things that are a pain: Bringing groceries in from the car after one of those major “eat for a month” shopping trips.

Things that are a bigger pain:
Bringing in groceries from the car while also having to keep all manner of poultry from jumping in the trunk, then having to shut the trunk between each trip because otherwise said poultry will rifle through the foods like old women at a clearance yarn sale in search of what they believe they told me to put on the shopping list (mostly tortilla chips and spaghetti noodles, thank you very much)

Then, when you finally get your arm loaded with bags, the birds out and the trunk shut, you will find Rosa the sheep, who is not only directly in your path but has jumped up onto the gate itself, making it nearly impossible to open with with it loaded down by 200lbs of sheep and your arms loaded down by 100lbs of groceries.

And then when you finally battle your way past Rosa, you are faced with the remainder of the sheep herd which proceeds to try to stick their heads inside the bags, inquiring as to whether you remembered THEIR favorite animal crackers (I did) and when, where and how would I be dispensing them (later).

And THEN, you finally make it to the house door and Bandit the
A$$hole sheep decides that this would be the night he makes his return as a house sheep and he find that perfect moment and bolts past you while you are awkwardly holding the door open wide enough to get all the bags of groceries thru. And of course, his presence indoors causes all the dogs to lose their ever-loving minds and the very elderly pug to have one of those old man “I thought it was a fart” accidental poops that then all the other species proceed to careen through and spread about your kitchen .

And then you to just give up. Because no, you really can’t win some days.